Dan the man

This is a great subject for me, it’s a solid yin and yang, I have had many moments of pride, but they were short lived because of arrogance. I was never taught the difference between the two, it was just one of many character traits I had to figure out on my own. As a child there were few things I was proud of, because my dad worked so much during my childhood I had very few masculine ideals I was always with my mother and her sisters so most of my proud moments came from the kitchen or my grandmother teaching me to sew, knit and crochet. My aunts taught me to wash dry and press clothes. I would listen to them complain about their husbands, my father and uncles. I was taught to handle tools by the neighbor down the street that my dad would bring his lawn mower to be repaired, I would wrench my bicycle and mostly learned thru my mistakes. As I grew older and making my way through middle school I wasn’t very good at school, I hated being there and couldn’t wait to get out. I was picked on almost every day by the other kids for being fat and shy. I was completely disconnected from my classmates. It was so ironic that years later in my early twenties when I lost a ton of weight and was hitting the weights and the boxing gym that those classmates from school finally showed me a glimpse of respect, naturally I had to earn it by beating their asses, but respect is respect. I was proud of myself then, but also arrogant, I wouldn’t learn the difference until I began studying martial arts, karate, judo, taekwondo I studied hard and learned more from there than anywhere else. I didn’t turn my back on my catholic upbringing, but spent more of my time studying Buddhism that is one of the top three things I am proud of. Where we grew up in New England everyone was catholic there wasn’t a lot of options and most parents wouldn’t accept you if you didn’t go to church every Sunday. I was the only one of four sons my parents had that left to practice Buddhism, it was the best thing for me, but my family wasn’t very happy with me. But in the words of the great Bonjovi “it’s my life” and once I started living my life for me every moment is one I am proud of. I’ve done great things with my life, I dabbled in acting and stand up, I’ve quit jobs to go on road trips just so I can see the country, I also married outside our family culture which is a huge Nono. I had a wife and two sons and was proud of them, but my family had a way of destroying any pride you had with manipulation and bullshit. That behavior cost me my wife and sons, the divorce was one of the lowest points in my life and I regret it even today thirty years later. My life today is the life I wanted since my twenties, but here I am in my sixties living the life I dreamed of, my beautiful wife is from Thailand and we have a very nice home there, we travel back and forth every year. We’ve been to surrounding countries and even to Europe. Today my life is full, completely satisfying and that I am grateful and proud.