The holidays are so very different from year to year, as a child it was magical every year as I grew up it was predictable at best, then I had my own kids and it was magical again. I enjoyed being a dad, both of my sons were everything to me. Our marriage began to disintegrate not long after our second son was born, my ex- wife got post partem so severe she could barely get out of bed. We went to doctors, psychologists, even priests to get help and we did but she was really never the same after that. It was nine years until I fell off the rails and began a two year battle with drugs and alcohol. I worked for my dad with one of my brothers and I was fucking that up almost every day, I was a model employee up until that point, always on time and ready to work. At first it was just a couple of late mornings and I would blame my ex for me being late, but after a few months it was a lot. I was living on cocaine and booze with little to no sleep all of my decisions were bad, one summer I got arrested three times and baker acted twice. Thru all that we got divorced and I lost everything we had to her. The court gave me one Saturday a month for three hours of supervised visitation with my two sons. I destroyed not only my life but everyone I loved. How does a person bounce back from that??? Every day I went to work I felt nothing but anger and hatred, I no longer had any friends or money I was at rock bottom. One day I said enough is enough and I must turn my life around, but I had nothing left to live for there was no reason for me to be there. My kids hated me and told me they didn’t love me anymore. That was a kick in the nuts that nearly cost me my life. That night was the last night I would get wasted, after an eight ball of coke and a bottle of booze I found myself in my garage with a gun barrel in my mouth struggling to pull the trigger. My mind was running out of control, the craziest thoughts I ever had in my life happened that night. I woke up on the floor in my garage completely broken. I knew there was no way I will be able to change my life while living there I had to go away, far away. After twenty six years as I am writing this those emotions are flooding in, I can taste the gun metal in my mouth tears running down my face so much they’re soaking my shirt. Since that night and many before and a few after I wonder why I was spared, how did I lack the courage to pull the trigger, but have the courage face the never ending obstacles that life has thrown at me. I do believe in GOD and I have always had angels around me. I know it sounds crazy that’s a topic for another day, I ended up moving to Florida, a mere fifteen hundred miles away, I had a friend that had moved there to live with their father they said they could put me up so I moved just like that.

So that started a ton of suggestive texting with pictures, all the while I’m looking for flights and was lucky enough to find one that would put me there 3 days before she had to leave, perfect! I created a story to tell my client which involved problems with my house that needed me there asap, no problem. I packed a backpack pack because I didn’t know if I was even going to make it to my house or is this going to be a 3 day never leave the hotel room kind of thing. I landed in the late afternoon and picked up the rental car still plenty of time to get to her hotel and catch a sunset, or not. That’s the thing about the unknown it exciting, you the anticipation makes the mind play crazy scenarios that may or may not happen, I find it best to expect nothing and enjoy what ever happens. I arrived at the hotel which is located across the street from the beach I sat in the car and texted her asking what she was doing. She replied that she was sitting at the beach enjoying the sunshine I asked what color bathing suit she was wearing , beige. Okay I hit the beach and looked around for a woman in a beige suit sitting alone she would be one of the younger girls and if memory serves me she has brown hair. She texting me her dirty thoughts in a very playful way and I replying with the same banter. I see her in a beach chair down near the water sticking out like a sore thumb with her skin so white it will most likely burn without lotion. I approached her from behind stripping off my shirt and flip flops I put my phone and keys with my wallet in the middle of my shirt and wrapped the shirt laying it on the ground and walked maybe 15 feet from her and dove in the water. The water was warm and inviting and clear as day, I bobbed up turned towards her and asked her to join me. The look on her face was priceless, it took a few beats for her to recognize me, but when she did she got up and dove in bobbing up next to me. We had not see or spoke to each other in over 30 years, we’re neck deep in the water and we reach out to each other the feelings and emotions raging through our bodies the tingle of out touch shocked us back to reality but only for a moment, long enough to say “hi” before our lips smashed into each other with a hunger and yearning for only in fables and romance novels.