Autumn, it signifies change. It appears so beautifully with its cool air and vibrant colors, but then the leaves begin to turn brown and fall off the tree in preparation for winter. Having grown up in CT. I miss that, I traded for seasons for the sub tropical climate of southwest Florida and honestly I much prefer hanging Christmas lights on my palm tree in shorts and tank top than hanging lights on my two story colonial up on a ladder in my LL bean coveralls freezing my ass off. We do get to experience change here with the cooler weather of winter bringing the snowbirds back and tourists to increase the traffic and wait times at our favorite restaurants. All that is still better than shoveling snow.

I’m pretty sure it’s different for everyone and it’s not set in stone. My own version of a good life has changed so many times, when I was younger and still learning from my parents I thought a good life was family and friends, a job that paid well, a house that was a home. As I grew up and obtained some of those things I wasn’t feeling fulfilled, I was empty inside there was a void I couldn’t fill. After I hit bottom and threw away everything that I loved Lost all hope that’s when I knew I was completely dead inside devoid of any feeling but anger and despair. I had zero will to live and lived carelessly risking my life and those who were with me. Change had to be made, I had nothing left so I moved, far to a place I hoped would inspire me it was a gamble, but I had no other option. It wasn’t easy at first, I had very little money no friends and no job, but I was determined to find my way. It took a few hard years to get on my feet I learned to open myself to people and experience I’ve had many jobs that never paid much, but my bills were always paid. I never felt good enough to be a husband or even a boyfriend so there was a ton of self improvement to do, and I did and still do decades later. On paper I’m not rich or successful, in real life I am an exactly who I want to be and for me that is the best life I can ever have.

Charlottes web. I think as a child growing up in suburban CT. The idea of farm life was so appealing to me and the relationships was a huge appeal to me. I also was a big Hardy boys and Nancy Drew fan, I loved the mystery and the unraveling of each case. I am still an avid reader with a few favorite authors. Recently I started this blog so I can expand my reading to learn more about what it takes to write a story. I guess you can call it a peer group, I try to stay impartial with every blog I read which has sparked a huge interest in my reading. I am certainly years late getting to the party, but I’m here now and learning so much about myself as well as all the writers here.

Probably honesty, no one likes being lied to and I’m no different. I treat people like I want to be treated so it’s very simple, do unto others. I have very few friends, but the ones I have are priceless. All of my childhood friends are long gone, not by design it’s just life and there’s no very few friendships that last a lifetime, some people, like me move away and we try to maintain a relationship, but the reality is very few are able to do that. I had to learn how to make friends in my forties which was so much easier than in my teens or early twenties, it’s a no nonsense time in our life so we can be straight forward without fear of hurting anyone’s feelings. Life is simple, but it’s a constant struggle to keep it that way, for some reason we feel the need to complicate it.

I was raised Roman Catholic and practiced for all of my youth into my late teens, but after that I just went on living without then need to go to church every Sunday. When I started studying martial arts I was introduced to Buddhism which I related to much more than Catholicism. After all I was an adult at the ripe age of 21 years old I was struggling to go my own way, but my parents kept pulling into their way. I never tried to educate them on Buddhism I knew they would never try it, but I didn’t get the same respect, there was a lot of negative, hurtful comments that only divided us and it remained that way nearly their entire lives. Ironically after all the BS after my dad passed I met a woman from Thailand who is a practitioner of Buddhism and my mother loved her. We got married and are both active in Buddhism.

Do I?? It was the greatest, I mean we got to talk to people face to face even if we didn’t want to we had to in order to get something done, like grocery shopping or clothes shopping or showing up to work. I was born in 1960, we had a black and white box T.V. That got 3 channels that we only watched in the evenings mostly the weekend. When we were entering our teen years we worked towards getting our drivers license saving our paper route money and odd job cash money from birthdays Christmas’s wherever we earned it until we were able to afford a car. We bought what we could afford, by 16 we were pretty mechanically inclined from fixing lawnmowers, snow blowers and mini bikes the skills we learned from our fathers definitely helped. Saturdays or Sundays we would drive until we were lost, sometimes a little most times very lost like 3/4 hours of driving into the unknown lost, but we always found our way home. We had a built in GPS a magnetic pole or genetic compass that helped guide us home. We trusted our instincts listened to our gut feeling had a far deeper connection to our fellow human beings and Mother Nature. We learned from our parents and grandparents, our teachers loved their job and did it with pride and dignity. Our parents rarely knew where we were, but knew we were capable of doing the right things because they raised us with love, compassion, respect and understanding. One dream of mine today is that the internet and everything connected to it be destroyed eliminated so we can go back to how we were meant to live.

I know what I’m not good at more than what I am good at. Many people have said I was good at something I was doing that just seemed to be second nature to me, but more often than not something I didn’t enjoy doing. Whatever talents you have in your youth doesn’t necessarily mean you will carry them into adulthood, as a child I loved performing for people, playing make believe and wanted to pursue a career in acting and the arts, but the real world is entirely different and finding success in that realm is impossible… that’s what my parents told me. “You need to get a job that pays “ is what I was told by my parents so that’s what I did. Not a career type job just a paying job with little chance for growth or advancement. So I became good at settling for less, and continued to do so my entire life, which is far from over, but I have lived longer than I will. I have had many different jobs enough to say” Jack of all trades master of none” I have never had a job I was passionate about, but I am good at many different jobs… just not great.

Having time to pursue my interest with someone who shares the same interests. Having a nice home small enough to manage yet big enough to entertain. To not have to worry about money. Our dream is to be able to fly first class or business class, but the price is so ridiculous it doesn’t make sense for us. We are healthy and very happy in our lives and marriage I would say we have it all now. I am just a couple of years away from retirement and will have more time to travel mostly to Thailand where we have a home as well as here, and from there so places we want to see are closer. I guess for me having it “all” is what I have now.

I feel life is is full of sacrifices, some are good others not so much. As a young man, mid teens or so, my mind was full of dreams of a life filled with travel and adventure learning new and exotic cultures in which I wouldn’t have a mailing address just kind of roaming around the world until I got to where I wanted to be, wherever that would be. I had a plan it was most likely unrealistic at best, I would enlist in the navy or Air Force and stay for maybe two re-ups learn a trade or skill that I could hone and master and begin to think about settling down in my mid thirties or so, I would know when I got there. Instead finished high school found a job and stay in town, which made my parents very happy to the point where my father hired me to work for him as soon as he could. I would spend the next 16 years there, it was a wood shop and I would become a craftsman in skills I still use today. I would get married have children just like my parents and all 3 of my brothers, unlike my parents and brothers I would throw it all away after being married for ten years I was done living a lie, living a life someone else wanted me to live a life I had no control over. I divorced which was the worst experience filled with anger hatred and resentment, but I had been dying inside myself for so many years it was worse than having cancer and one day I just died inside there was nothing left I was a shell of a human being. So I sacrificed the love of my family altered both of my sons lives by leaving not knowing how nasty my ex had become. So I left with no plan I was too old to join the service and had zero resources because I lost everything in the divorce, a friend invited me to go live with them in Florida and I did and I have an amazing life, but it came with a huge amount of sacrifice the kind that gives me nightmares even today 27 years later. The journey has been filled with ups and downs but isn’t that what life is?!?! You bet it is.

I proudly subscribe to being both. It is extremely difficult to be just one all the time I don’t believe our ego can truly handle being one all the time. Anyone who is the most successful has had to walk in both shoes at some point.