Dan the man

I would have to say my marriage, and not just because my wife is sitting next to me, but she really brought something extraordinary into our marriage. My previous marriage and the few relationships after were train wrecks and I throughout my life I periodically look back and see a lot of it was my fault. I was in my twenties when I first got married, looking back it was doomed from the beginning, but somehow it lasted twelve years and produced two sons and a mountain of heartache and anger. Truth be told I was a shitty husband at best we fought each other for control of each other and when the kids care we fought over raising them. In the end everyone’s lives were changed forever. I too quickly entered another relationship, the rebound girlfriend that lasted a whole year and a half and ended horribly giving me a police record I never had or wanted. That was where I learned my lesson and, but it was too little too late and the damage that was done was irreparable. I removed myself from a very toxic environment and moved far away, there I focused on myself only and learned how to survive on my own. I was a self made man and after five years of being single I got into another relationship that was okay, not mind blowing, but stable. I lasted ten years in that one and now I into my fifties and okay with being single forever. Over the next four years I just did my thing, I had a rewarding career that involved some traveling meeting new people making friends, I was always up front with the women that wanted more from me and told them there is nothing more, I’m a casual sex booty call and that’s all I want to be. One day after returning home I was introduced to a woman from Thailand she was in America on a travel visa and working at a cousin’s restaurant where I went for dinner often and a friend that works there asked me if I had a girlfriend, I said no and she said I have one for you in the kitchen and just like that she appeared across the table from me. She was shy, very pretty her English was okay. She wanted to see more of the city where I live and I became a tour guide for the following three months before she had to return to Thailand. It was something so exciting something I never experienced something I wanted to be part of. She was and is no nonsense what you see you get I liked that, but I didn’t fall in love and had to have her there wasn’t butterflies in my stomach she wasn’t always on my mind, she was her and I was me and we were just finding out if we fit in each other’s lives. After about a year she wanted to come back. Here I will tell you in Thailand she was very successful she supported her mom they lived in a condominium she bought ten or so years ago, she didn’t need or want money she was earning money at the restaurant. She liked me and wanted to build a life with me. I have my own home I’m relatively mature and I like her, I love the culture and I finally have a shot at a great relationship. So she came back in April and we were married in August, that was eight years ago. Over the past eight years I have lived a life I only dreamed of living. We’re both loving our lives and each other. The friendships she has made with other thai people are amazing to me and we American husbands get along like a loving family. I have been to Thailand four times plus other countries, she sold her condo and we bought a new house in a gated community there where her mom and sister live. I feel I live like a king there and our plan is when I retire in two more years we will snowbird back and forth between here and Thailand. So I definitely say my wife.

They have. Also my view on nearly everything else that affects our world today. As the saying goes nothing is permanent, as a child our country’s politics were much different than todays, the candidates were more respectful of their opponent and the political process, the debates were civilized unlike todays mud slinging and name calling. I feel our countries future is the dimmest it’s ever been as well as our people. We have allowed 1 percent of our population to dictate how the other 99 percent shall live, we have been silenced, our voices no longer heard, our complaints fall on deaf ears, our actions are met with violence, our dreams of a better life have become nightmares of preserving safety and freedoms. Our government wants to not just run our country, but run our lives and that is wrong all day long.

A large pavilion nestled in my wooded back yard, a gentle breeze filled with the aroma of spring time flowers in bloom. The outdoor living room furniture comforts us and our guests. This is my muse, my inspiration that I will create at a later date one where I’m alone and can recapture that sense of life, my life and how I ended up here in our garden of Eden.

I can remember as a child being very creative, my imagination was constantly running at 100%. As I grew older and I focused more on being a responsible adult I lost a lot of my creativity, the art teacher I had in middle school was very supportive, but my parents were not. They told me to work, that was it just earn money anyway possible and you’ll be fine. Terrible advice, that’s all I ever did throughout my life was earn money and not a lot of money just make money without passion or excitement. Now I’m on the verge of retirement most of the money I earned is gone, but at this point I feel as creative as ever, I write, draw, paint in an effort to hone skills I thought were lost. I strive to create some good in a bad society, to smile when all I want to do is scream, to hug someone when all I want to do is slap them. Being creative definitely has its challenges, but totally worth it.

I think happiness is relative and brief, just like pain or sorrow. The key is to recognize that we’re happy whether it’s with a person or an event or time alone. Knowing you’re happy is everything.

At 63 I have fun everyday even though I’m working at a job I don’t like it does suit my needs and I do work outside which for me is where I’m at my best. When I get home from work I have a little lunch then go for a walk or bike ride. I enjoy my time awake and try to smile as much as possible and bring happiness into everyday.

My dad was a huge influence in my childhood and into adulthood when I started working for him. That was my first experience seeing two sides of one person, there was my father, who I went to church with every weekend until I was in my early twenties, never swore at us and didn’t take a lot of interest in what I was doing. Then there was my father the boss who cursed like a sailor would yell at you for screwing up and had to know what you were doing on the job. I did have a couple of other bosses that were very influential in my life and one I’m still very good friends with forty years later. People come in and out of our lives some just pass through others leave a permanent mark.

They say opinions are like butt holes, everybody has one. I believe if we’re living a genuine life that people’s opinion will change because we as humans go through hundreds if not thousands of changes in our lifetime. For the most part I do know what people say about me now, he’s a nice guy. I hear that a lot more than anything else. I also remember what people said about me 20-30 years ago, but I am not the same person now that I was then. I didn’t just grow into being a nice guy it was a learning process. My parents did instill good values, ethics and morals into us so we did have a good foundation, but I can tell you I lost my way for a few years and nobody was calling me nice. At this point in my life I feel grateful I have a lot of love I carry with me people see it in me feel it from me, but more importantly I feel it. It took many years to feel fulfilled in my life, but here I am all smiles all the time.

Eat, think or eating too much when I’m over thinking. They say the mind is a beautiful thing and I couldn’t agree more, this past year and looking ahead to the coming year I have been working on my brain. My thoughts actually and I know a lot of things cannot be explained I’m working to control the things I can. Those thoughts that pop in my head that I question as soon as I get them. Mostly though I’m gaining control of the thoughts of over indulgence weather it’s food, TV, exercise, every aspect of my life I’m creating a balanced thought process and behavior.