Dan the man

What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?

So many, but it was also a different time in the world, families were much closer back then. We had friends from the neighborhood, from school and we were all very social. My parents loved Sunday dinner and we all had to be there which for me sucked big time. I have 3 brothers with wives so 3 sister in-laws who seemed to be vying for the top tier for my mother and father. None of them got along with each other or my wife, so for me it was a shit show every Sunday. I also worked for my dad with one of my brothers and that brought a lot of difficulties to the table. My parents loved Christmas and that was a mandatory be there holiday. When I moved away my dad said always be home for Christmas and I did until he was gone. When we had kids we tried to create traditions, but divorce put an end to that as well as parents who couldn’t get along at all. For me traditions keep you locked into an old behavior and belief, kind of like ground hog day. After awhile the excitement wears off and it becomes a pain in the ass chore that you only do because you’ve been doing for so long. There’s more to life than that and it’s different for everyone, the Sunday dinners ended and I don’t think anyone was heartbroken the same with Christmas, at some point you move forward on your own.

What are your future travel plans?

My wife and I will be traveling to Thailand later this year, my wife goes there every year to see her family I go every other year because of my work. Usually when we both go we travel from Bangkok to other countries this year it’s Vietnam for five days. When we began dating we would talk about our expectations for the future neither of us wanted children so the next best thing is traveling and over the past eight years we have been traveling all over the world, it has been the greatest experience of my life. I recommend traveling wherever you can. We travel outside the country because we love experiencing different cultures, we eat the local foods mostly walk through the cities so we can see the architecture. We don’t travel much in America mostly because we don’t feel safe like we do overseas.

Which activities make you lose track of time?

Any form of exercise, no matter what I’m doing ie; running, biking,swimming, walking I am a total John Doe. I don’t bring anything other than water with me no music no phone nothing that’s how I was raised and I don’t see a reason to fix what isn’t broken. This behavior drives my wife crazy, but she doesn’t see the benefits. It’s the only time you can really listen to your body, you get to really connect to what’s happening inside you, it also allows your mind to expand to new dimensions. I grew up without all of the outside distractions so that’s what I know, I tried using a Walkman when they came out, but found it a royal pain in the ass, I was unable to listen to myself my body my spirit. Now, we have at least one generation that will never know that connection they have been bombarded with white noise and outside influences. No one knows my body better than me, I don’t rely on “doctors “ as much as myself, I found the very best medicines many years ago and they have never let me down.

What are you most excited about for the future?

At 64 years old I’m just a few years from retirement which means I can spend more time looking for my purpose in life. I don’t know many people that have found it, but the ones I have appeared happier, satisfied more content with their lives. I have had many, many different jobs I even had a couple of careers, but I have never had one and said to myself this is what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have settled for jobs more times than I can remember, but bills need to be paid and who is going to pay them?? Even at this stage in my life I have settled for a job the just pays the bills. I have had an emptiness in my heart as long as I can remember I tried to fill it with anything I could find which always resulted in negative results, it was nothing more than self abuse that I was able to overcome by facing the fact that the hole in my heart cannot be filled I had to learn to live with the emptiness and I have. Even now when my life is the best it has ever been it’s a little empty, my wife ask me a lot why I look so sad I just say I’m not because I really have no reason to be. Perhaps I’m betting on my retirement to fill that hole, maybe it’s just not meant to be filled.

What’s your definition of romantic?

I, like many men believed being romantic was fine wine and dinners, flowers and manners, conversations of dreams and family faith and careers basically putting on a show until you seal the deal then what? 50-60 years of a constant decline in the “love” you promised, little by little the drifting apart happens and either one of you are able to bring it back together. I myself realized I lied to my first wife as she did I because we believed our marriage would last, it did, 10 years towards the end we wanted to kill each other. I would spend the next 15-20 years learning what I did wrong why it went wrong and how to correct it. I started by looking deep inside myself to find what I really wanted out of life, my path was limited by past mistakes that followed me through life, but I was able to find my true self and in the process found someone who loves me as much as I love myself and her and it’s been an amazing experience, we definitely lift one another up, we’re always aware of each other so much so that we can be our true self without judgement. We burp, fart blow our noses and every other human behavior in front of each other happily. For me that is romance that will last our entire life.

How do you express your gratitude?

Saying Thank You is a good start, but really that’s just short term for the long haul you need to acknowledge the ones you love as well as yourself. Tell them you appreciate them and show them how much they mean to you. Be aware of those who fill your heart and your life.

What are you most worried about for the future?

Almost everything. Being a baby boomer I enjoyed a life filled with wonder and promise where everyone had a bright future, there was little uncertainty and we were able to pursue and live our dreams. We were all conscious of the environment and did our part to keep it clean, this was long before plastic, we had glass bottles paper grocery bags and canvas shopping bags. We reused and recycled before it was a thing, we composted our food, not just us but the whole neighborhood. We had 3/5 TV channels and that was enough to entertain all of us, mostly because we spent our time entertaining ourselves, learning all we can about the world we live in thru trips to the library and actually asking questions to real people. We didn’t fear our fellow man, we helped when they were down, we celebrated their achievements with nothing more than a simple gathering of friends and family. We had very little but wanted for nothing. Our political climate was more comprehensible with leaders we believed in. No matter how much we disliked the current administration we knew in four years it would change maybe for the better maybe for the worse, but not so bad we were unable to live a good life. We were always able to make rent or pay our mortgages without a bunch of roommates, we were able to pay our way, sure, sometimes we had to tighten our belts cut back some, but we never had to worry about the future. Now?! Well, it a whole different shitshow. I’m not ever sure I will be able to get my social security when I retire in just 3 years. Housing costs are out of reach and rents are absurd, everything we need to life is outrageously expensive, our political climate is a joke at best, we truly are the laughing stock of the world. We (baby boomers) raised weak children who rather live in their parents basement with zero to none responsibility. We gave them drugs to alter their behavior because they cried too much, too loud. We created machines to make our lives easier and us lazier. Thankfully I will be dead and gone so I will not have to watch the decline of the greatest country in my world.

How important is spirituality in your life?

I would say it’s very important at this point in my life, but it was a long struggle to get here. I was raised Roman Catholic and did somewhat believe in the religion as I grew older almost all of what I believed was too far fetched to be true. Throughout my young adulthood I explored different religions, I couldn’t relate to any of them, I also made the mistake of mentioning my interest to my parents who were diehard Catholic with very closed minds so I pursued other religions quietly on my own. When I began studying martial arts Buddhism was the religion, I didn’t really pay any attention to it because I wanted to learn self defense and that was it. As I improved and advanced I asked about Buddhism, he gave me a book, I read it cover to cover unlike the Bible this was interesting to me. I found myself diving into the spiritual aspect of martial arts and when I brought the two together my movements became increasingly better and my patience longer. That was nearly 40 years ago, I stay active in it even today.

Write about your first crush.

There were so many, early in middle school there were a couple of girls that would chase me around the playground like they wanted to beat me up, the day I stopped running and let them catch me was the first time I felt attracted to girls, they just hugged me and started kissing me and laughing. From there on out I was crushing on almost all the girls I met. I was that guy that thought every girl was hitting on me. I was so naive I didn’t know any better, you had to hit me in the head with a frying pan before I realized a girl liked me. Turns out it’s an endearing quality. I didn’t lose my virginity until my early twenties, so I felt I had a lot of catching up to do which is insane. Kelly was a girl I met in 8th grade, we ended up going to different high schools, but our paths crossed a few years later, she took my virginity, but I never felt I wanted a relationship with her. I actually felt that way about a lot of women, I couldn’t see myself spending my entire life with any of them. Even when I met my first wife I didn’t imagine we would get married and have children, but that’s exactly what we did and after 15 years we crashed and burned. I remained single for 18 years after that with a couple of girlfriends in the mix, a couple I did see a long life with, but alas it just wasn’t in the cards. I was in my mid 50’s when I met my present wife and honestly I wasn’t crushing on her, but I did see spending the rest of my life with her and it has been awesome to say the least we are going into our 8th year of marriage and I have grown to love her in ways I never thought possible. Who knew?

What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

Other than self loathing !?!? Actually I love the fact that I have learned to control myself. I am a far better listener now, I am a calmer person way more approachable than years ago. At some point in life I committed to improving myself and have found some success through education. This is no easy task for me. Most of my life I was emotionally dependent, weak, in need of acceptance unable to process rejection. The results were nothing short of disastrous, on the plus side I am still amongst the living, not in prison or an institution and I’m able to function is society. Which is an absolute miracle.